Moving Day

It’s pretty early in the morning but I cannot seem to coax my little eyes shut again. It’s moving day!!!! I found a little studio apartment around the corner from my old place. It’s awesome and adorable and tonight I will be living there.

I have this fear that something will go wrong. I know it won’t but I guess it’s just human nature to mentally prepare oneself for the worst. In my case the worst would be showing up to sign the lease and not being able to for whatever reason, or having a problem with getting the truck to move my stuff. None of that will happen though. This will go down without a hitch. Tonight I will jam all of my stuff into that place and tomorrow, my Mother and Father will come up from NY with even more stuff to pack in there. I will be totally set.

I’m starting my new job on Monday. I’m not even going to attempt focus on that until I’ve gotten myself situated. Today is about my life starting again. I feel like I’m becoming a legitimate person at last. I might just be faking it though. 

Catching Up

Hello

There is not a single person I know who will read this. There might not be a single person that I don’t know who will read this. At least for a while I assume. The past 11 months since I’ve last updated this crazy thing have been weird to say the least. I lost love. Hard. I think it was gone well before the relationship was. I got extremely depressed although I tend to believe that it was already taking it’s toll well before April 20th, 2011. I read back a little and it looks like it really owned me before this time last year.

I didn’t allow myself to accept it or try to work on it. I just kept going. I kept pushing something on somebody who showed little to no interest in me. I stayed at a job that caused me so much grief simply because I was trying to prepare for a life that I knew would never happen with a man that didn’t care to be my man. My life was a huge lie.

He and the job were lost within 5 months of each other. I lost my mind, lost my appetite, lost a whole bra size, and smoked myself spotless. It’s funny how salvation can be found in the burning rubble of catastrophe. The general assumption was that I would move back to NY because apparently everyone I know assumes I’m a little bitch (rightfully so I suppose). Instead I started working 2 jobs. Then one. Starbucks. The. Best. Job. Ever.

I couldn’t afford rent so I moved out of my room and here I am today. A couch person. I scan craigslist daily for a new place to live. Last week I just got an awesome new marketing job thanks to my amazing friend Melissa and my life will soon be better than yours. New Heather wins. Always.

This being said, I guess I’ll chronicle my adventures until I get bored again. Hope it offers some semblance of entertainment for you.

Heather

I eat smores poptarts every day around this time. If the vending machine ever stopped selling them my world would be over.

I’m feeling pretty emotionally and mentally drained. Work is going to suck. After that I have to bring Lilith back to the shelter. Great! More crying. It sucks so much. She is such a great cat and she deserves to just stay where she is but Alison’s allergies are just too bad I guess and even though I would happily move into a new apartment, I can’t find one in my price range. I hope that somebody goes over to the shelter that same day and takes her in. She is so wonderful and playful and loving. She needs a permanent home so that she can just chill out a little bit more. 

She’s really been wonderful for me. She’s made me even more of a morning person and she actually gets me to sleep early as well. I just hate the idea of her being at that shelter for even longer. It breaks my heart. I’m still going to look for a new apartment. I want to be on my own. I keep feeling like I owe something to Colleen and Alison here. Like by not hanging out with them or by doing the things I want to do I’m letting them down somehow. That’s definitely how they make it seem. 

I joined this meetup.com thing that Alison was telling me about. It’s a website for making friends. Even typing out that sentence makes it sound ridiculous. I was filling out my profile and as I went on it just made me feel progressively worse about myself. Attempting to join the groups made me feel even worse. There’s no way that I’m going to find my type of friends on there. I think I may just be destined for sitting around on the computer watching Hulu and then going to sleep at ridiculously early times every weekend.

It was a very bad weekend!

I’m not feeling great right now. It’s like the world seems to be crashing around me and I’m desperately trying to hold it up. I want my life to go back to what it was 5 months ago. It’s been so different and there is no reason for it. The past couple of days have been basically just sitting around in a bathrobe watching really stupid movies. I think I need that. Being alone might be the best thing right now. Hopefully this all works out.

Woahhh It’s so appropriate that I named her Lilith!

Adam, Eve, Lilith and Cats Superstition

by LAURIE BUCKLEY on MARCH 19, 2007

“The origin of this superstition seems to go all the way back to an ancient Hebrew folk tale. According to this folk tale, Lilith was Adam’s wife before Eve. She was banished from the garden of Eden for refusing to submit to Adam and then haunted the earth as a demon. Sephardic Jews believed that Lilith sucked the blood of the newborn by taking the form of a giant black cat named El Broosha.”